Midwest Geek

Let me first provide you with a little background information.

• I quit smoking
• I started eating
• I gained a touch of weight
• We planned a vacation
• I realized that I need to lose weight and joined a gym

OK, since that’s out of the way, let me point out one thing. When I gained the weight that I did, I added a great deal of trouble for myself. Not a “Hey, I’m 30 pounds overweight” kind of trouble, more like “Hey, I’m 30 pounds overweight in about 30 days and my body is screaming “Put down whatever you are carrying, please!”" As you know, I can’t just put this extra weight down, I really have to get used to this new waist, or at least my body does. My pants on the other hand what nothing to do with my waist line, and if you tip toe near the closet around 5 a.m., you can hear the denim starting to whimper.

So after about 9 trips to and from the gym getting all the necessary paperwork in order, a blank check that I didn’t need, needed, didn’t need, needed, and some other odd ball paper work, I was a member of the gym. I have been a member of a gym before, it was located at my former office and while it only allowed employees, it was actually better equipped then the one I am at now, with the exception of a pool. On Black Friday while everyone else was out shopping, I decided to hit the gym figuring that there would only be a few people there, and if I did something that made me look stupid, I’d have fewer witnesses.

I got in, made my way to the locker room, changed, and headed off to the pool. Now since the pool that I am swimming in is half the length of an Olympic size pool I would need to swim from End A to End B and back to End A roughly 32 times to equal one mile. Swimming one mile was my main goal to reach by the end of the year, a mere 38 days a way. I figured that to lose the weight, this needed to be done. Once I got up to a mile and started swimming that everyday, I would be in prime shape for Hawaii in February.

Really it was no problem what so ever I thought to myself. You see I grew up swimming, and not just on the weekends or when we had a chance to make it out to a lake, I mean every freaking day. As a youngster we had a pool in the back yard, several of my friends had pools, I was on a swim team, took advanced lessons, driving instruction, and could hold my breath for close to 2 full minutes by the time I was 12 and made Aquaman look like a bitch.

I would just like to point out at this time that I am no longer 12.

As I entered the pool I circled around the elderly ladies doing water dancing or some such thing, and settled myself in a lane. The woman to my left was what I would consider elderly, around 70-75. I did a bit of stretching and started with a strong but not to overbearing freestyle stroke down the lane way. As I started swimming I noticed that I just about sank, and I had to put out a lot of energy to keep myself going. This was nothing like I remembered.

The kind woman next to me passed my like I was standing still. As I reached the mid point of my first lap I had a healthy heart beat and I realized that I needed to control my breathing. I pulled off a decent return and headed back to finish my first lap and thought that 30 minutes should do it since I have not swam like this in so long. By lap three my head began to hurt and I could not for the life of me control my breathing. The elderly lady at this time switched over to the Butterfly stroke. After a total of about 5 full laps I had to stop and take a breather. My heart was damn near close to 200 beats per minute (my wife says that’s bad), I was huffing and puffing hard enough to blow down all the pigs houses, and my brain was pounding against the side of my head.

And the lady next to me did a perfect return for another lap.

It was at this time that I felt it was time to remove myself from the pool in case I should drown. The drowning part wasn’t really bothering me, it’s the fact that a senior freaking citizen would have had to save me. I toweled off and looked out the windows, realizing that I should maybe get in a bit more exercise before staring one of the three most physically intensive exercises. As I headed for the locker room to change and mend my totally shattered ego, the fifth Golden Girl stopped long enough to look up, wave a hello and head off on yet other lap down the pool.

The treadmill is my new friend.

Work:
Sometimes it takes a second punch for the feeling to kick in, and realize that you are being hurt. I have decide that I am just going to find a nice little hole in life, do my job and stick to it…I am no longer interested in “moving up in the world”. I have seen the other side and it frankly it’s not worth it.

I see so many “successful” people who work these wonderful 80 hour weeks, never see their kids (or family for that matter), cheat on their spouses, talk about how much they love the kids they never see, then beat them down about why they weren’t in first place at little league t-ball or soccer…

I have seen the other side and I hope I am never that successful period.

Life:
I have seen how much I have changed over time, and it’s starting to really scare me. Two and one half examples.

1 1/2 examples
About a month ago my best friend Josh* called me out of the blue to let me know that he was in town for the night, and that we need to grab a beer. We found a decent table at a local pub and tossed back a few exchanging stories about the old days and catching up on each others lives. He stated that he didn’t know what I was doing these days, but he knew I was successful. He then, since he can read me like a book, told me how miserable I am. “Jason, you live to work, and I work to live, it’s about time you learn the difference”

It was like being hit with a baseball bat…I had never realized that I don’t have fun anymore… Years ago in High school I was the one who didn’t know the limits; I was the one who partied harder then everyone, with total disregard to anyone around me, and me especially. Josh was always there to pull me out of a potential fight, whether I was going to win or not…He was there to sober me up, and get me out of danger, generally created by me.

After the local pub, Josh wanted to see the dive bar that he ended up at after my wedding with the maid of honor and one of my groomsmen. And to no surprise, it was still a dive bar…a few drinks there at around midnight and I decided that I need to something a bit reminisced of the old days…So after a large with drawl from the ATM, we headed down to the strip bars.

While we had a good time, and it was a standard strip bar experience, there were two other guys that where being dicks to the women and who for some unknown reason Josh wanted to fight (Josh is normally very passive, and generally non-violent, unless it comes to protecting a woman, a child or just putting a serious jackass in their place)…Ten years ago, 1 second after stating that he wanted to fight, I would have walked up an taunted them in a very testosterone way. This time I simply keep Josh out of a fight, informing him that there I no way I can get out of Jail by the time I need to show up to work.

We left that evening being the complete opposites we were ten years ago. I made him a promise that Senz and I would come visit him and his wife in June, on our 8th anniversary. I have looked forward to that trip since the day that I made the promise.

2nd example

This one is short and two the point.

Saturday night, when Monk was working I was painting a faux-finish on our living room walls while watching “Under the Tuscan Sun” No man should ever do this…Well not men to like to be men…

I will explain how I am going to make these changes next post…I have to end my lunch hour

*Josh - He is my best friend, and I mean best.. This is a guy who would help you bury the body, would mortgage his home to give you the money no questions asked, and would be good enough to knock you on your ass, just when you need it and still drive you to the hospital.