Midwest Geek

Time line breakdown. All times based on the Hawaii Time zone

Saturday

20:00 Arrive in Hawaii
20:15 Board bus to car rental location
20:25 Tell attendant that we want a convertible Mustang
20:25 Ask attendant why they are laughing
20:55 Load up convertible Mustang
21:30 Arrive at Hotel, miss turn for parking lot
21:40 Arrive at Hotel again, find parking lot
22:00 Get into room, realize we need food
22:30 Make it to favorite ocean side restaurant
23:30 After long walk back, find hotel again, fall fast asleep.

Sunday

05:30 Awake
06:00 Get out of bed
06:06 Realize that we are exhausted and that we have to drive nearly an hour in the next 54 minutes.
06:10 Turn on GPS and start drive to location for Dolphins adventure
06:15 Realize that GPS takes a long time to “Acquire Satellites”
06:20 Realize that it takes GPS a REALLY long time to “Acquire Satellites”
06:22 “Acquire Satellites”
06:23 Test out all 300 HP of our convertible Mustang attempting to reach boat
06:45 Arrive at destination….according to GPS
06:45 GPS finds “new” destination, continue testing speediness of car
07:00 Find boat, find captain.
07:01 Listen as Captain tell us that everyone is going to be about an hour late due to van driver not showing up
07:15 Eat breakfast at McDonalds, get cash.
07:30 Arrive back at dock, watch dock workers…dock things
08:00 Board boat
08:30 Spot 1st dolphin
08:31 Spot 151st dolphin
08:45 After instruction about how NOT to get bitten and dragged to the bottom of the ocean by dolphin, get in water.
08:46 Realize there are 20 dolphins within 15 feet and find this is the coolest thing ever.
09:30 Get back in boat head off to look for whales on way to second location
09:40 Spot first whale
10:00 Spot second whale, full breach
11:00 give up on any more whales
11:15 get in water looking for turtles
11:16 spot first and only turtle
13:00 Arrive back at dock, head back to hotel to clean up
13:01 Realize that we didn’t put on any sunscreen
13:50 Arrive at hotel, take painful shower, head out for lunch and shopping on Waikiki
14:20 Eat lunch
15:10 Arrive at Sunglass store, ask clerk to help me help her make commission by selling GOOD sunglass to wife
15:11 Proceed to wait as wife tries on 1,892 pairs of sunglasses
15:40 Purchase second pair of sunglasses wife tried on.
16:00 Arrive at Hotel, take nice drive though mountains
20:00 Arrive back at hotel, head out for dinner.
21:15 Arrive back at hotel, fall fast asleep

Monday

06:00 Head out to Hanauma Bay
06:30 Drop off wife at Hanauma Bay, head to Diamond Head
07:00 Sit in rush hour traffic
07:30 Arrive at Diamond Head, start hike up
07:31 Realize that I am really out of shape
08:01 Arrive at the top of Diamond Head, beating previous time up by 14 minutes
08:02 Promptly die
08:20 Arrive back at car, head back to Hanauma Bay
08:45 Re-acquire misplaced rush hour traffic
09:15 Arrive at Hanauma Bay
09:30 After sitting though safety video, meet up with wife, proceed to snorkeling.
10:45 Take break from snorkeling, break toe, wife stated that I stubbed it.
11:15 Head back out for snorkeling
12:30 Leave Hanauma Bay, heading for the North Shore
13:00 Locate place where we are going to meet Kayak guide on tuesday, continue north
17:00 Arrive at Sunset Beach to photograph surfers, set up tripod, head and take about 150-200 action photos of surfers
17:30 Lock keys in trunk
17:31 Realize that convertibles do NOT have trunk releases
17:32 Pay $49.95 for roadside assistance to call locksmith, told they would be here within 90 minutes.
18:30 Watch sunset on Sunset Beach
18:45 Notice large group of what appears to be drunken gangbangers party about 200 feet away.
18:55 Notice that everyone else is leaving
18:55 Attempt to figure out how to make a defending weapon out of a empty Gatorade bottle and sunscreen
19:30 Locksmith arrives, retrieves keys.
19:31 Pay Locksmith $150, realize that I entered the wrong line of work
20:45 Arrive back at hotel, power meeting on how we are going to eat, get packed, and ready for checkout by 06:00
21:15 Eat dinner
22:00 Arrive back at hotel and pack
22:05 Take off shoe and sock so that wife can see toe, and tell me that I did in fact break it
22:10 Shower and fall fast asleep.

Tuesday

06:00 Check out of hotel, head to Kayak location
06:45 Arrive at beach, locate kayak guide.
07:00 Listen to instruction on kayaking, how not to drown, and other important things
07:15 Listen as guide mentions where we are going to kayak, locate island off in distance that he is pointing to.
07:16 Judging by distance, realize island is Australia
07:20 Start kayaking
07:25 Make mental note never to do anything the day before kayaking the open ocean
08:30 Arrive at island, get wonderful tour of island, history of Hawaii, and more eco-tour knowledge.
11:00 Eat lunch, play in ocean…not in that order.
12:00 Head back out in kayak for beach to snorkel
13:00 Find beach…snorkel
14:00 Head back to car location in kayak
15:30 End tour, promptly die
15:45 After cleaning up a bit, head out for sightseeing, picture taking
17:15 Find Subway, take food to park close by, eat
18:00 Find Hospitality room, shower, wash sand from body
18:45 Watch sunset from end of pier, on the back of convertible
19:00 Turn in car, head to airport
20:45 broad plane to fly home, fall asleep BEFORE takeoff

Wednesday

00:01 Woken up to be told happy birthday, promptly fall back asleep.
12:15 Arrive in St. Louis, head home